Monday, October 01, 2012

The B'Midbar Diaries

A Sukkot week special

Dear Diary,

(Honey! Is "diary" spelled with one "yod" or two?)

I love the freedom from slavery! I love camping out under the stars. But after week number three, it's beginning to get old. Really, really old! I hate the blazing sun! I hate the sand -- which gets into everything and into places you don't ever recall exposing to the open air. I hate the stinky goat hair tent! And the sand fleas! I LOATHE the sand fleas! If Moses and Aaron had told me, "Come with us on vacation, and experience the wonder of sand fleas," I'd have stayed in Egypt!

Hey, Moses! Yeah, back here, in the Issachar section! Hi. Um, look, I love the beach as much as the next guy, but are you aware that we left the sea behind us weeks ago?

Well, yes, I know we were slaves, but--

And the promised land. Right. Er, does it have a sea? Ah, thanks. And how long before we get there?

Uh huh. Y'know, back in Egypt, we had--

Dear Diary,

Don't mention Egypt. Moses' invisible friend, God, doesn't like it.

Also, being swallowed alive by the earth looks like no fun at all.

Okay kids! Let's play "I Spy!" Hannah, you want to go first? Okay...

I spy, with my little eye, right. Something that is--what? Oh, tan. Um... could it be... the sand?
It is? So, my turn now? Okay. I spy, with my little eye, something that is dark tan.
That's right! It's that slightly-darker patch of sand over there!

Wha? You're tired of I Spy, already? What, Simeon? Sure! What do you wanna sing? Sigh. Really? Sigh. Okay: (to the tune of "The Wheels On The Bus")
"The wheels on the chariots fall right off,
"Fall right off. Fall right off.
"The wheels on the chariots fall right off.
"(and) All th'Egyptians drowned!"

"The chariot's horses go neigh, neigh--Glug!
"Neigh, neigh--Glug! Neigh, neigh--Glug!
"The chariot's horses go neigh, neigh--Glug!
"(and) All th'Egyptians drowned!"


Say, Moses? Are you sure you know where you're going?

He's leading us in the cloud? Well, how can you be sure you're following the right cloud?

No, I don't see any other clouds around. Good point, there... ahem.

Hey, Moses? Uh, while we're on the subject. Y'know how that cloud becomes a fire at night and sits over the Tent of Meeting? Look, could you tell God to be careful with that fire? I mean, it's really dry out here, and that tent could go right up in smoke -- and it was kinda hard to build!

Hmm? Well, sure! I KNOW he's God and all, but fire is fire, and -- Oh yeah?

With a bush, you say? Huh! Never heard that before! And it didn't burn up? That's kinda interesting! You should be writing this stuff down! It'd make for good reading later on -- Oh, you are?

1 comment:

The Ironic Catholic said...

What, they didn't write about Jesus' wife?